I have to give proper’s when proper’s are due. Former Rebel Guy Fieri and his program Dinners, Drive-ins, and Dives (or commonly referred to as, “Triple D”). In my opinion this is the best show on The Food Network and Top 5 fave for wasting away my free time. That is until I was shipped to this no walled fat reduction prison.
Since one of my uncompromising and stubborn rules is to forgo gastric pleasures after the Seinfeld reruns are over at 8pm, it never fails me, old Guy is on some made dash around the country to find his next eatery. I happen to park my remote control on his exploits and suffer greatly. Nothing like a good shocker to the hypothalamus about fifteen minutes after the point of no sustenance has come and passed for the evening.
I mumble in my mind “I’m teetering toward madness.” Holy mackerel honey! He just put a pound of cheddar on that burger! I’m doing living room laps with a serious case of audio-visual epilepsy, induced by this frosty tipped anti-christ - giving me ground sirloin, onion smothered turrets… (mumbling) Loves the bun toasted, loves the bun toasted, course three minutes to Wapner. My poor daughter is jumping on the couch yelling, “Mooommm! Daddy got’sta brain ow’we again.” It’s like June Cash was singing in the left ear… When I woke from my dreaming my idol was clay, all portion of love had all flown away. This time it was a grease trap hooligan serving up 2000 calories of death garnished with a bevy of dilly sweet relishes.
Freaking Guy Fieri, I love you man, but I am going crazy. Thank goodness it’s a short trip baby!
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