"I got a new job."
"Oh that sweet Jack In The Box goodness."
"The devil made me do it."
"I retired from the real world and sat on my butt for 8 months."
"The doctor got me on new crazy meds."
"The wife was getting jealous of my slender physique."
"Less you forget, Utah's a 3.2 beer state."
"Damn dry cleaner shrank my drawers."
"Those chicken wings ain't going to eat themselves."
"Fat cells have rights too."
"How do you expect me to meet a future ex-wife looking this good?"
.... The category is: Things brothers be saying cuz they gett'n chubby!
So the Sultan of Sweat Stains and I clearly need an intervention, not the 12 Step kind but rather the ODJ 5 step kind:
Step 1: After getting busted, first deny.
Step 2: Change the subject; "Hey look! Elvis on the treadmill."
Step 3: Settle this the only way dudes should... a bet!
Step 4: Text like school girls to hash out terms.
Step 5: Write a blog post.
Staying true to our ODJ roots, JBK and I subscribe to a philosophy that preaches the only real way to recover is to first mock, then quote obscure movie lines, and lastly bet on who can lose weight faster. We have accepted a new weight loss challenge; "Two Score No More!" Terms are simple, the last to lose twenty pounds buys the other an all-you-can-eat sushi dinner. However, unlike last years "Destination 195" challenge this one is a clean challenge; no diuretics, no tape worms, and definitely no self-inflicted dysentery. El naturale! We weigh in this coming Thursday for all to follow the race to trim 20 grape fruits.
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I hope you are not suggesting that our coping method is not healthy, normal, or rational! This is normally the month I start my intentional gain in preparation to win the employee weight loss challenge that starts in January. Good times. No dietary restrictions for 3 months. So this will be a different kind of trip. Having to eat clean and cut down on the booze during the holiday season is gonna be my undoing. My sanity is fragile, and I'm off my meds. I am a little leery of the 20 lbs. It would put me just under 10% body fat, which is where I wanna be, but I've only been under 10% once in the last 8 years. I remember what it took to get there and dread a repeat. But, it's been said on this page before and worth saying again, pride/vanity is a great motivator. So it begins...
ReplyDeleteSo it does!
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