Morale busters in the gym come in many forms; enjoying a ten pound jump in weights on the bench fly press or holding the 60 second plank position without losing bowel control. Most recently it was going from 3.0 mph to 3.2, and then up to 3.3 mph on the 15/4/20 Slow Grind training sets. For our newly uncensored readership from the People's Republic of China, the 15/4/20 Slow Grind was supposed to be a simple work out swap for my 20 minute jump rope set. I had to call a substitute in because the three little piggies that refused the market all joined little Mr. "cried wee wee wee all the way home." I got the bacon handed to them little toes after a month of jump roping. So Jaron created the set: 15% incline at 4.0 mph (6.44 km/h) for 20 minutes on the tread mill.
Both Jaron and I have been very honest with our loyal ODJ'ers. Honesty and integrity are the second rules to achieving ODJ. Especially when the first rule is broken... "If at first you don't succeed, try try to cover it up and deny you ever tried." We have both attempted and failed epically pursuing the goal of completing this challenge. As of this date I'm at 3.3mph for 20 minutes and Jaron is rocking a solid 3.0 for 30 minutes. The pain level is exponentially greater every tenth we go up in pace. Think of 3.0mph as our base camp; uncomfortable, yet familiar. Each adventurous turn of the mph knob is like pacing a mall walker at an altitude of 25,000 feet (7620 meters). Just last week my ego hijacked my better reason and took me on a 3.5mph ride thru hell's barrios marginales. I escaped with only minor PTSD after 90 seconds, vowing never to return without a tetanus shot and Bodyglide
® for my inner thighs.
At this point it is very important for those following along at home who have actually spent any amount of time in the cardio section of a local gym to calm yourself. We hear you. You are thinking, "Why is it, my fine practitioners of ODJ, at my gym I see all
these rotund women making it look easy on the full incline?" It's very simple. Yet, I will leave the form and function explanation to Jaron, but if you pay close attention to the aforementioned ladies of large you will see they drape over the tread mill like it is a cheap mumu. We must confess... in our love for humor at the expense of our own selves, Jaron and I have held back the fulcrum between easy and Guantanamo level torture... No holding onto anything during the entire 20 minutes. No checking your pulse. No grabbing the sissy bar. Nothing but you and your best race walking technique. I dare any of our readers to go to the gym with this final piece to 15/4/20 Slow Grind challenge and try it... If you can accomplish it (video evidence required) before Devil's Night 20-thirteen Jaron and I will send you a signed copy of Achieving ODJ and an ODJ t-shirt. Who will be first?
If you have ever driven over a mountain pass, you'll appreciate how much trouble your four banger has negotiating inclines. The steepest of which is usually 6-8%. We're talking double that! The human engine has that same difficulty. I blame the Treadclimber infomercials for the recent trend of our morbidly obese female gym practitioner's mission to use incline to their caloric benefit. But the two biggest obstacles to their success are their fleshy mitts death gripping the sissy bar. There are two popular cheat methods commonly employed: the "forward collapse" and the "water skier". Neither produce the intended effect of incline training. Let's examine. The "forward collapse" or "draping like a cheap mumu" as Jarvis described, takes a good portion of your body weight off of your feet. Would be the equivalent of cutting your vehicle's curb weight in half on those hills, dramatically easier. The "water skier" method involves the straight arm approach with full lean back. It basically puts your body perpendicular to the walking surface, thus eliminating all semblance of incline altogether. No, to do this thing right, one cannot use hands for anything beyond wiping the cascade of sweat (guaranteed) from one's brow. In other news, I discovered that my new gym has no AED device! I shall proceed with caution given this new information. Recently added 911 to my speed dial settings.
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