- Izzy Mandelbaum
It has been over a decade since the Doctor of Fitness Funk and I have lived in the same area code, which some say was best for the long term future of mankind while others wept for months after our separation. So when Krause returned to Sin City it was as if we patched the fabric of space and got the old gang back together. However since our last world tour I snagged a wife, contracted multiple children and moved to the city where forty-year old working woman relocate when the syndicated men down on The Strip decide their bad for business... so when JBK's third installment to The Meadows, a few things were different for our dynamic duo. Unlike our days and late evenings of old, enjoying Elton John and marathon hacky-sack sessions, my schedule has become a bit more tight these days. So after eight weeks we got our calendars aligned (mainly I got my butt down to Hender-tucky for a long over due work out). Unfortunately for the second son 6:30am is typically the end of a good evening not the start of a hellish slog through back and bicep day.
As true believers in ODJ, Krause and I must come clean... we both gained 20 pounds this summer. Don't worry, verbal abuse and humiliation was handed down in equal directness and passive aggression.
On a positive note, my extra score added to the twenty pound weight belt meant the pull-up reps were forty larger; A first for yours truly! I will let JBK expand on his disdain for pull-ups, but he came through on the preacher curls... the great equalizer for me.
As I'm typing this entry my arms have resisted gravity's pull, locked at ninety degrees, better known as "fork-lift arm syndrome." As a traveling salesman, fork-lifting is easy to disguise when I initially meet people; carry samples in one arm, open the door with the other and then quickly shake hands. Then the uncomfortable awkwardness takes over... some people shake my extended hand again and again thinking it's a Southern thing. Others just stare straight into my eyes pretending all's normal. One gracious lady put a dollar in my hand and blessed my heart for having the courage to panhandle in such nice attire. I really liked her. 
First and foremost, "getting the old gang back together" is a phrase that conjures a reprehesible, wishfully forgettable image in my mind that only JT and possibly one or two other people in this world can truly comprehend and appreciate. Inside joke, so deeply repressed, I weep for those on the "inside". The last 8 months, I have been in semi-retirement. Retirement sounds like a blissful, non-obligatory existence. Right up my alley! But what I discovered is that when you retire at 38, all your friends are still working stiffs that can't hangout with you at 2pm on a Tuesday. So what's a brother to do...drink and watch 14 daily hours of Sports Center, apparently. Ask me anything sports related, seriously. I'm like the Schwab of the last 8 months of sports trivia. Obscure reference, to be sure. Empty calories and the permanent ass imprint on my vintage Lazy Boy, adds up to 20 extra foot soldiers manning the belt line. I have decided a re-entry into the world of the gainfully employed was a necessary evil. Despite the unnerving realization that Ole JT had befallen the same ill fate, he has seriously improved his strength since we last worked out together in God's country. The rapidly approaching 38th birthday desire to dunk a basketball has been jeopardized by a 20 pound anchor. Just as this fat boy's pullup performance has been slaughtered by extra body weight, so too will be a certain lost Southerner's vertical leap! Not only has the rubber band been released, it's gonna take 2-3 months to restrech that bitch! That leaves scant little time to dive headlong into the ballistic, plyometric training I had planned for this year long challenge. &%@©£! So be it. I must now mandate 100% transparency for the next 2 months. Ole JT and I will submit bimonthly, if not more frequent, weight and body fat statistics to you, our loyal and geographically diverse readers to keep us honest. I understand my blog dependency won't fall into DT status, as another entry is not far off. So, I'm gonna let this stew for a day or two and bring more vitriol soon.
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