- The Brotard herd is drawn to the gym between the hours of 4:00-6:30 p.m. to maximize narcissistic buoy.
- Individuals are protected from the common man's eye contact by their lightweight Under Armour hoodies.
- To add another layer of D-baggery, Brotards walk around between sets with their Beats by Dr Dre headphones resting on their temples. A metaphor for the shock therapy needed to cure these knuckle dragging apes.
- A sampling of the Chinese characters tattooed on their rib cages are loosely translated; "Sucka!", "You Want More Beef and Broccoli?", "Bed Wetter", and "This Idiot Doesn't Know What I'm Tattooing!"
- Cardio is for chicks and dudes without back acne.
Happy Mother's Day to Mama JT and Mama ODJ!
Happy Mama's Day indeed. This phenomenon is sadly only now being discovered by the newly fit JT. It has deep roots, been a gym institution for decades. Though, not always sporting the "beats by Dre" headphones. I remember "Mega Bass Sony Walkmans" with over the balding crown headphones! Baldness being a side effect of high levels of testosterone. Sadly, equal parts pride and shame for those afflicted with male pattern baldness. "Gym Guy" has amused myself and many a member of my recent gym staff for eons. A couple of additional bullet points missed or omitted by ole JT:
ReplyDelete1. The apathetic omission of "leg day" resulting in what I refer to as "golf tee-itis".
2. The guttural "Williams sisters-esque" grunting clearly necessary for every rep...not just the last few tough ones.
3. The inexplicable wearing of the weight belt for ALL exercise, even on chest day.
4. Leaving their weights on the bar after they are done, because the next person will undoubtedly be impressed.
5. Drinking ambiguous light blue liquid from an emptied gallon milk jug throughout their workouts.
6. The excessively tailored T-shirt which is now more reticent of a g-string, exposing all but nipple.
Ah yes, Brotard is a subspecies to be studied, but not emulated. Mocked, but not to their faces, for fear of roid rage level retribution. They exist on adrenalin and pre-workouts, fear no man but their own reflection, speak in incoherent neanderthal mutterings, and seem completely oblivious to the fact that "Hammer pants" are no longer en vogue. God bless 'em!
All true..... I'm dying. LOL
ReplyDeleteThis post came to easy for yours truly and JBK. Now I feel slightly bad for dropping bombs on the Brotards. Kinda like calling double dribble on the short bus kids.
ReplyDeleteIf they could read, I'd feel bad too. What they can't read, can't hurt 'em.
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