As part of our series of challenges, Jaron laid down a monster on this poor southern man's shoulders; the 300 Spartan Workout.
25 pull-ups
50 dead lifts (135 lbs)
50 push-ups
50 24" box jumps
50 floor wipers (135 lbs pressed)
50 Kettle bell clean and press (25 reps per arm with 36 pounds)
25 pull-ups
300 reps
One last fold... It was timed.
I am formally submitting papers to have it rebranded as the 300 Feet From Hell Workout. Imagine a Rude Goldberg machine set up in the spare bedroom of the fifth horseman of the apocalypse condo.
In all reality the only way to prepare for this challenge is to lose a ton of weight, exercise for months, and put on your big boy pants. All of which I did. However, I would've been fed to the lions if King Leonidas had been there on Christmas Eve. Jaron's personal best hovered around the sub-nineteen minute mark. As a solid mentor, Jaron laid forth a mark of twenty-five minutes. For the math whiz kids following along in our new World of Warcraft chat room, that is one rep every five seconds.
Well boys and girls, I finished the challenge. But if I had been running a race, I would've been the guy the audience gives a mercy clap; completing the marathon two hours behind the rest of the field. Crawling across the finish line, full body trimmers, and total loss of all bodily humility. The stop watch read with cold cruel honesty... 33:20. If I had been a sitcom, the network would've required two commercial breaks and a "To Be Continued." That was just the workout. There were two days of muscle and soul soreness. At one point on Christmas morning my bed sheets felt like iron shrouds.
As challenges go, I failed. As egos go, I mourned. As good friend goes, Jaron does not have to return my Man Card. As the rules go, I will continue to enjoy listening to Running Rebel basketball games on AM 1100 on Novalee's radio. Second attempt at the sub-twenty-five minute 300 Spartan Workout will happen on my 37th birthday, February 15th. 
I would certainly not call this a failure. Finishing without a complete loss of your faculties was the challenge, the time was for a return of your man card. Even though I know you had your man card revoked, that radio is still one toke over the line! You sure it's not the Lady Rebels you're listening to on that thing? No wonder there are so many suicide references in your in-game texts. At least you have an excuse; mine hinge on a deadly combination of living in Utah and rampant misuse of pharmaceutical and non-pharmaceutical downers. I digress. That 300 has spat out many a lesser man! So stand tall and proud, if you can. At least it doesn't include lunges. 7 more weeks to improve by 8 and a half minutes...that's exactly 25% faster, a mere 1.67 seconds less per rep. No problem. Just the fact that you're willing to go through that again, practically earns you your man card back. But, I'm a man of principle, stop laughing, and I can only cede it's return for a sub 25 minute performance. So, as your trainer, I advise you to practice your pull ups and box jumps. My guess is that is where you can make up the most time. New slate of hypertrophy workouts coming your way next week. Take advantage of your sittin' toilet for the next few days, cause it's back to the newly installed "stander" very soon.
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