Destination abhors ambiguity

Try something the next time you participate in a repetitive fitness activity; pushups, lap swimming, running, burpees, etc. Instead of doing a set number per round, give yourself a time. “One minute of pushups.” Or “Run for an hour.” I ain’t no gambling man, but I’ll take odds you would rather do double the amount of reps if you were told to repeat until the clock says stop. I will go a little meatier with my bet, and postulate that most people actually do less reps in the timed sets. Because if form issues are not in play, the output will always be greater for defined number of reps. Speed is on our side when counting down reps. One closer to finishing. While timed sets trigger the brain’s conservation mode.

I shudder at the thought of time being the destination. It is worse than watching paint dry. It won’t dry if you’re watching it!

Jaron occasionally slips in timed sets of pushups, burpees, prison squats, or a myriad of other core basic exercises. Inevitably I gravitate to an exact number of reps I will do; no more no less. The clock becomes white noise. Time is meant for rest intervals and race paces. It has no business being a destination.

The mind of a repetitive athlete likes to know what it is latching on to. Without the cadence of a defined diminishing number the inner wimp wins. Less intensity, longer delays between reps, and stopping short, to name a few. I rely on reps during my swim sets -- I will use mental mile makers to help me sustain the pain... Three-quarters of the way through the set. Half way through. “I have fewer to go than I have done so far.” But if time is dictating the set, a cruel uninterested lord complex comes over the clock. Once an amoral tool quickly turns on me. Time is slave to no one, yet it mocks ruthlessly when given control of the destination. Tick-tock, tick-tock.     

G-O-A-T

Greatest of All Time... The debate format that turns my stomach every time I walk into a room of pontificators. Halitosis of the brain filling the air with society’s mental decay. Call him what you may, but at least the fool has an errand. At worst, the chin music has a beat. The G-O-A-T ushers in the numb.

I once relied on headphones to pump the motivation sounds of alt-rock. Today, they are a refuge from the verbal diarrhea coming from remedial class rejects, which is invading my mental comfort zone. I might need a safe word. The mutual pooling of “like” and “you know” can cause irreversible IQ in laboratory rats. The only politics they know is what Facebook tells them. Talking weather is unpredictable and religion is being practiced in the mirror, so no need to discuss. All aboard the G-O-A-T merry-go-round.

G-O-A-T debates are multigenerational turf wars over who’s childhood great would win in a fictional competition in the already absurd gamification of ancient military exercises. Psychologist have found the music we listen to at 18 and 19 years of age will stick out as the greatest music of our generation. I would submit for sports, the age of emotional coding is around 10 and 11. People’s passion to defend their G-O-A-T’s honor is only matched by religious zealots and amateur multilevel marketers. Daring to desecrate their G-O-A-T god is punishable by… nothing… this is ridiculous. Just punching air.  

When I am feeling conversationally sadistic the best course of action is to drop the G-O-A-T grenade in a group of intoxicated sports freaks, then step back to enjoy the verbal stench consume all surrounding intellectualism like a black hole. Take a deep breath.          

In the name of shame

249.6

 

The official weigh in for the Summer of ODJ Challenge. There it is, presented for all gluttony. That is 1/8^th quarter ton for the people following along with the fuzzy math edition. A new high point. Shattering the previous 2012 starting point by seventeen pounds!  

Posting my starting weight is very important for Jaron and me. We do little in our friendship that is not in the name of shame. Motivation by embarrassment is the Joel Olsteen of ODJ. The preposterous prosperous gospel is giving us lazy slobs a get out of self-loathing jail card, and it sure as heck ain’t shedding no pounds. I have to go with extra strength negative reinforcement ---- Peer pressure is for youngsters. And prizes are for the sheeple. But shame is for the hardened, nothing to lose crowd.

 

Losing weight to feel good and spreading the joy of feeling good is noble… (Add wink and finger gun for dramatic effect.) Let’s all sweep the cavalier dung droppings of motivating others under the yoga mats. If you ain’t working towards a personal end game, then you’re probably a narco-disciple of self. With more internal consumption than a Utah based multi-level marketing supplement company.

No weak stomachs in the slaughter house.   

 

They’re baa-aack… Stability

Back to basics with stability redu. Stability would not be hell on Earth without 4-2-1 count. Nothing like a four count motion, with two count pause at the summit, and one count at the rest point to remind me fat guy strength has no chance in the stability phase. I am Fezzik. I am the Brut Squad. I am powerless to stabilize. Trying to hit a fly out of the sky with a boulder is easier than resisting gravity on one leg. May the farce I live in at the gym know me once again after this challenge is complete. Fat guy strength is so much better than a physique. Remember children, if you don’t have dreams you won’t have nightmares.

We are the Penn & Teller of social media workout evangelist... Expose the magic for all to duplicate. We got day jobs, and our egos are well-worn. 

All sets are 3x12 and 4-2-1 count unless noted. 

Back & Biceps

Weight assisted pull ups – wide overhand 100 or 120 pounds

Reverse push ups – Smith machine

1-leg dumbbell bicep curls 25 pounds 4x12

Reverse flys – dumbbell on lower back horse 7.5 pounds

Chest & Triceps

Dumbbell press on stability ball 50 pounds

Stability ball push ups – narrow arms military style

Bench pushups – wide arms

Plank pushups

Legs

Hack squat – machine

1-leg standing reach with dumbbell (no 4-2-1) 25 pounds

Peewee Hermans (no 4-2-1) 12 reps each leg

Core

Pike ups with feet on stability ball – push up position

Plank roll-outs on stability ball – feet narrow
1-minute planks

V-ups