Moving into the strength phase is best analogized by visualizing dragging a bull moose carcass up a mountainside and ever five feet you get a pit-stop for two minutes to enjoy the scenery. Hands down the strength phase is the greatest chapter in Captain Chaos's playbook... manly exercises with plenty of grunting and strutting around, and then long pauses of rest. There is a great deal of comic value in seeing a chicken-legged thirty-something struggle to lift 175 lbs, but until the gym's management loosens their antiquated stance on GoPro usage in the cardio room we'll have to stick with observing the locals for blog material.
When Jaron and I have two-minutes of rest in between twenty to twenty-five collective sets our minds begin to churn out some interesting stuff. Such as the "Aftermarket ladies" with so much plastic surgery they have very little OEM (original equipment manufacturer) parts. Observing body dysmorphic disorder in real time is a discomforting unspoken shared experience with the others around me. Part pity gaze. Part freak show amusement. Part rubber-necking to see the twisted human flesh.
So I don't end on a depressed note (that until you read the strength work outs below), another of Jaron's favorites are the various "Cardio Queens" in the general population. There are the queens that camp out on the tread mill with multiple fluid bottles, magazines, bedazzled iPhone, and surrounded by their gossip court. And the costly manicured queens coming to the gym with more fine apparel than a British royal wedding. The queens of speed cardio... visualize anorexia in a 5-Hour Energy shot.
Legs
5 sets of 5
Dead lifts 205lbs
Hack Squats 135lbs
Leg Extensions 80lbs per leg
Back & Arms
5 sets of 5
Pull ups
Pivot bar rows (narrow grip)
Bar bell curls 70lbs
Wide grip overhand lat pull downs
5 sets of 10 revers flies 20lb dumb bells
Chest & Tris
5 sets of 5
Bench press 175lbs
Standing shoulder press 35lbs
Dips
3 sets of 10 Opposing cable chest press 80lbs with 10 pushups
Rare is the client who does not appreciate the beauty of "strength phase". And there are no words to describe the depravity of subjects and rhetoric dispensed in two minute spurts when Ole JT and I have that kind of time to kill! The disturbing lack of OEM parts in the cougar den, sure... predictable even. Cardio Queens holding court, you betcha. Purple skin and the incessant need to drop weights to call attention to your shriveled nutsack, Mr. Steroid man... noted. I think the mass majority of gym hipsters, knowingly or not, are stuck in this phase. It's got enough cache to keep 'em coming back. Like ole boy said: manly exercises, plenty of time to observe and run your mouth, what's not to like?! There have been rumblings of one or two possible future blog developments: a "clip show" tribute blog with "best of" material, and a "Dr. Dre, Rehab album" -level rumor of a Kraustianic takeover blog! This is all probably news to Jarvis, who has a working memory just shy of 10 second Tom, a la 50 First Dates. Rally the troops, we need one, if not both to happen. Hide your kids, if I get free rein to post a blog soon! It can only end badly. My vocabulary, robust as it may sometimes appear, still revolves around four letter words. Ye be warned!
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