GDD

Shelter-in-place and nonessential business closures have stripped away all the frills and randomness of the outside world. Wake, rinse, commute, lunch to-go, commute, isolate, repeat. The Great Pause caused the Universe’s DVD to skip.

In honor of all those who cannot tell if today is Tuesday, Saturday, or Yesterday -- for the poor souls forced to watch major league reruns on ESPN Classic -- to all the February “natural” blondes who are now May proud multi-dimensionalist -- I offer up the Groundhog’s Day Diet.

The scientific name for the Groundhog’s Day Diet is Low-Calories/High-Volume. I will be having the same three meals each day for as long as possible. The ODJ's money is on eight weeks. Any time after that could result in mild insanity or bouts of face eating. Coincidentally, eight weeks seems to be the length of time that the majority of non-Chinese humanity is willing to obey state recommended lock downs.

Breakfast:

Egg whites with one whole egg scrambled

Turkey sausage

Salsa for flare

Lunch:

One hardboiled egg

Low calorie dressing

Unlimited amount leafy greens. (Or anything not fun.)

Dinner:

Skinless chicken or fish, or both

Unlimited amount of leafy unfun greens.

Add salsa for excitement

Snacks:

Whole pickles

Celery

Rice cakes

English cucumbers

It is important to note, over the past decade The ODJ and I have concocted numerous diet-exercise combos. During that span of time he has tossed around low-calorie high-volume – and every time he has presented the plan, I looked away in horror. My fragile constitution avoided eye contact with that bucktoothed Punxsutawney light bender. 

No more! I do this for those stuck on repeat.

Today is not a new day. Today is the same day.