Voices from the pantry... Part Two

There are some things I should never laugh about during a nutritional challenge. Carbohydrates are one. Don’t let their sweet fulfilling disposition be mistaken as goodness. Carbs have a mob boss’s sense of humor. I’ll crush your diet, your wife’s diet, your kids’ diet, your neighbor’s diet, and yo greasy greasy granny’s diet too. Breaking up with carbohydrates is the only thing worse than laughing in their general direction. Quitting the mob is easier… turn state's witness, leave your old life behind, break blood oaths, and forever be watching you six. Carbs just haunt with guilt and bullhorns.

When Jaron decided the first nutritional challenge should follow the Ketogenic philosophy, I knew my life was about to become very complicated. The Carbs crime family would not be pleased. Oh man, my constitution is weak and family bonds are strong. Jaron did not holster his diabolical pen with the food intake challenge. In addition to ketogenics “keto”, he added time restrictive eating. All of my 1800 – 2000 calories are to be consumed within the same eight hours, daily. Starving for the first six waking hours before eating all high fat low protein no carb lunches, snacks and dinners; then no boredom snacks at the end of the night. For a bonus agony, the constant mental Chinese water torture of carbohydrates reminding me who I am is omnipresent. You can’t survive without us Jarvis. We are family. You are turning on the family. You don’t want to make us mad. We own the pantry. Just dandy.

On the brighter side, I get to eat tons of pork rinds.