Fat ain't the new Fun.

If you are injured go see the trainer.
          If you are hurting get back in and keep going.
                    If you are fat you earned what you missed out.

Happy 100th blog post during the Era of ODJ... I am excited to read what the proprietor of pectoral pain has to offer below. His professional retort is the only thing that separates us from the apes. Jaron has been a wonderful addition to Team No Fat Jokes Please, and we hope he signs on for another 100 plus post. Lord knows we need his expertise, devilish wit, and grammar skills.

Recently I competed in a masters swimming meet down in the People's Republic of California... That's a state manufacturing America's green ribbon culture. The Orange Curtain is in tatters, and the new commies will have us all competing with no timing system or score board shortly. My fat self would be fine with that. Not the Communist; they don't smile when screwing you out of progress. I would be fine with no timing systems. Unlike team sports that defend territory and go on the offensive -- competing against other teams; swimming is a timed sport. The stopwatch is a heartless winch. Born without a soul.

"Time rules over us without mercy. Not caring if we’re healthy or ill. Hungry or drunk. Russian, American, beings from Mars. It’s like a fire, it could either destroy us or it could keep us warm...We never turn our back on it and we never ever allow ourselves the sin of losing track of time. " -- Cast Away

The preparation for the meet began back in May. At the time my estimation of six months of weights and swimming seemed well padded for work travel, illnesses, and bouts of laziness. The plan laid out gave me enough training to break below a mark that has been alluding me for years; sub 18:00 for 1500 Freestyle short course meters. Last year I swam in a slow heat, crushed the other seven heat mates, but did not get pushed. The stopwatch clocked me at 18:25.13 (averaging 1:13.5 per 100 meters).

Tapering, resting and shaving were all givens. I figured out if my first 100 meters was under one minute and twelve seconds (1:12) and then I held one minute and twelve seconds for the subsequent fourteen 100 meter splits I would be sub 18:00. Great training through the summer and fall. Jaron challenged me in the gym. I was ready! Except for one minor detail... The extra 15 grape fruits stored around the spar tire section of my gut. Fat may float, but it sure as heck doesn't come with it's own propulsion. I was in T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

I finished the 1500 meters in an underwhelming 18:44.27. That is holding just a hair under 1:15 per 100 meters. Major take away after wasting six months of early mornings and exhausted evenings... STOP GETTING FAT, FATSO!!!