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Time will vindicate the mad genius of the gym. Either as a mad man, or as genius!

I have yet to air on the side of caution when posting Jaron's work outs. Mainly because hardly anyone outside of the NSA or the Russian Olympic Federation are reading this rag. Also, I don't fear the plagiarism of his craft, because in the hands of an unskilled trainer the genius will be neglected and lost in translation. And any unscrupulous skilled trainer would pick and choose just enough to avoid the scarlet mark of being outed as a hack. We notice the peeping toms memorizing our routines. Reverse engineering has built the Chinese economy; there is no reason why Jaron's creations won't show up on a poorly produced YouTube work out series in the coming years.

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5 sets of 5 with :60 seconds of rest

Followed by :20 - :30 minutes of slow grind cardio

Chest & Triceps

Hammer Strength Incline press -- 90-105 lbs per side
Hammer Strength Decline press -- 115-125 lbs per side
Skull crushers – barbell    65lbs bar
Dips – body weight (go to failure)

Legs

Seated Leg Press – 540 lbs
Walking lunges with dumbbell – 25lbs 16 lunges per set
Standing 1-leg curls Hammer Strength -- 80 lbs
Seated 1-leg extension Hammer Strength -- 80-90 lbs

Back & Biceps

Lat Pulldowns – wide overhand grip – 140 lbs
Reverse flys – machine – 135 lbs
Incline bench wide dumbbell curls – 30 lbs
1-arm curls Hammer Strength -- 45 lbs

 Core & Shoulders

Standing cable raises (rope) -- 110 lbs
Front shoulder raises dumbbell -- 25 lbs
1-arm cable pull -- 60 lbs
Planks :60 seconds on :60 seconds off
Plank pike ups on stability ball 10 reps

Devil carbs... How I love thee!

Salad? Oh, you mean my food's food.

If "vegetarian" is an old Native American word for bad hunter, "carbohydrate" is an old scientific word for fat guy's happy place. 

I support P.E.T.A. and the humane treatment of animals. No Fat Jokes Please takes very little serious in life, except for serious matters, of which we try and avoid like the plague. I will not be on their mailing list congratulating me on going vegan in the not so ever future. However, animals for consumption should be treated with respect, never placed in torment, and dispatched quickly. Their loss gives me an enriched life. Their protein is highly favored. Their meet in moderation should sustain my life for decades to come. Wish I could say that about carbohydrates.

Carbohydrates, aka Carbs, are the food pyramid's playground dime-bag pushers. I got hooked on their goodness before the first word of the English language crossed my lips. Sugar addiction makes heroin addiction seem like bubble gum and rose peddle farts. Sugar coats my double helix with multiple generations of sucrose in the veins. To make matters worse I have bread in the head all the time.

Bread is on my mind morning, noon, and night! So when a longtime best friend introduced me to man salads, food went from fun to fuel. Not to minimize things; there are hardy portions of protein, tasty vegetables, and cheese mixed with a little sauce. By substituting the carbohydrate for a bed of mixed greens I get a wonderfully, and overtly grown up man salad. The concoctions are really good. Who is this person I've become?!? I hope time travel is not invented anytime soon... which could prevent future me traveling back in time to goat past me into kicking present me's butt for eating salads. Who am I kidding? Carbs have rewritten my core instincts. The reptile part of my brain has gone from fight, flight or freeze to white, wheat, or six-cheese. Doomed from the start!

Fat ain't the new Fun.

If you are injured go see the trainer.
          If you are hurting get back in and keep going.
                    If you are fat you earned what you missed out.

Happy 100th blog post during the Era of ODJ... I am excited to read what the proprietor of pectoral pain has to offer below. His professional retort is the only thing that separates us from the apes. Jaron has been a wonderful addition to Team No Fat Jokes Please, and we hope he signs on for another 100 plus post. Lord knows we need his expertise, devilish wit, and grammar skills.

Recently I competed in a masters swimming meet down in the People's Republic of California... That's a state manufacturing America's green ribbon culture. The Orange Curtain is in tatters, and the new commies will have us all competing with no timing system or score board shortly. My fat self would be fine with that. Not the Communist; they don't smile when screwing you out of progress. I would be fine with no timing systems. Unlike team sports that defend territory and go on the offensive -- competing against other teams; swimming is a timed sport. The stopwatch is a heartless winch. Born without a soul.

"Time rules over us without mercy. Not caring if we’re healthy or ill. Hungry or drunk. Russian, American, beings from Mars. It’s like a fire, it could either destroy us or it could keep us warm...We never turn our back on it and we never ever allow ourselves the sin of losing track of time. " -- Cast Away

The preparation for the meet began back in May. At the time my estimation of six months of weights and swimming seemed well padded for work travel, illnesses, and bouts of laziness. The plan laid out gave me enough training to break below a mark that has been alluding me for years; sub 18:00 for 1500 Freestyle short course meters. Last year I swam in a slow heat, crushed the other seven heat mates, but did not get pushed. The stopwatch clocked me at 18:25.13 (averaging 1:13.5 per 100 meters).

Tapering, resting and shaving were all givens. I figured out if my first 100 meters was under one minute and twelve seconds (1:12) and then I held one minute and twelve seconds for the subsequent fourteen 100 meter splits I would be sub 18:00. Great training through the summer and fall. Jaron challenged me in the gym. I was ready! Except for one minor detail... The extra 15 grape fruits stored around the spar tire section of my gut. Fat may float, but it sure as heck doesn't come with it's own propulsion. I was in T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

I finished the 1500 meters in an underwhelming 18:44.27. That is holding just a hair under 1:15 per 100 meters. Major take away after wasting six months of early mornings and exhausted evenings... STOP GETTING FAT, FATSO!!!