Monday, Monday, so good to
me.
Monday morning, it was all
I hoped it would be.But Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee...
- The Mamas & the Papas
If the road to Hell is paved with good
intention, Monday is when more millage gets added to the highway.
Just look at my little world of snark; cult fad
diets, running, jumping on the health food bandwagon, dusting off gym
memberships, Crossfit, Orange Theory, breaking the sealed T25 DVD from
last Christmas, and or any combination of the above for super awesome
extra fast results. All launched on Mondays. Second only to the
annual spectacle of New Year's resolutions, starting a new
life on Mondays is steeped in good ole fashion American middle
class mediocrity. "Starting Monday..." roles off the tongue
with such shallow ease; rivaled only by slick politicians, Wall
Street executives, and 2:00a.m. infomercial pitchmen.
The largest population segment of our comic
reservoir spends all weekend proclamating about the converting power
of Mondays. I would speculate that Beach Body, Jillian Micheals, and the "lets frown upon real
workout" crew at Planet Fitness spend extra marketing dollars over
the weekend armed with mountains of data supporting Monday life-changers. We
are talking about cash cow levels of potential consumers. Who needs
the coveted 18-34 year old demographic... Give me a six-minute abs
commercial on prime time slots on the networks of E!, TLC and Bravo for 90 days and
I'll be the Warren Buffet of fitness.
I was once guilty of starting my new life on Mondays. It’s
the mental reset button to months if not years of doing the same thing day in
and day out. What amazes me, I believed that Monday morning had some mystical
bonding agent between my grandiose intentions to change and reality's cold
reality.
May your Mondays be all that your weekend self-proclaims
it will be!
Chuck Norris got no room is his infomercial-sphere for the likes of your "Warren Buffet" inspired ab video! Behind his beard, he doesn't have a face, just another fist. You see, Ole JT and I workout Monday mornings, and by the time we do our obligatory cardio session, 3 out of every 4 of the helpful cardio TVs are peppered with weight loss infomercials. Be it T25, the Total Gym, or P90X...5? These things have gotten out of hand! If any of them worked, everyone would do it. There is no quick fix, no miracle pill. Hard work and program design befitting your end result are the only things that work. Part of that equation, program design, is so personalized, no mass produced program could ever work. No weekend induced guilt trip can ever create the type of hard work and dedication necessary to stick to one of these plans either. There has to be a paradigm shift. You see, Jarvis and I work in sales. We understand that sales is a transfer of enthusiasm. These infomercials prey on our lack of self esteem and discipline, and hope our self loathing outweighs our common sense. They make us excited about an unrealistic outcome and hope we see more value than the unbelievably low cost of 3 payments of $39.95! Which, of course, was 4 payments a mere 5 seconds ago. There's a reason why that same cost only gets you 2 sessions with me at the gym. I will create a program for one person, you! That program will have an 80% likelihood of success if followed. The average gym goer has less than a 5% chance of success, according to multiple studies, including the most comprehensive study done by the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM). Truth in reporting requires I add to that number. 5% of regular gym goers succeed. Less than 10% of gym membership holders are regular gym goers. So mathematically, signing up for the gym on a fateful Monday morning will yield roughly a 1.5% chance you will attend regularly, and ever succeed In a tangible fashion. Good luck...! And say high to Christy Brinkley. That's a good looking older broad! Chew on that 'Merica.
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