The domestic pandemic
entered its second year a few weeks back, keeping me out of regular swim
training indefinitely. I ain’t about to swim on my own. Luckily for me, easy
exercises for 30 minutes a day over two months got me to a point where I now
feel comfortable to begin something that resembles working out – and less like
a GenX mall walker with a Cinnabon hangover.
Lose 50 pounds over the next five months, and
get a six-pack of abs in the process. The last time I earned a six pack Bill
Clinton still had intern privileges.
My consultant of
crunches, The ODJ, is up for dietary and work out mastery required for this
challenge. He will be taxed to the max while developing an exercise regimen to
get me one ab... much less six of them. Hopefully his lingering injuries will
turn the corner soon, so we can get back to the gym together – if not to
motivate, surely to publicly fat shame me into shape. Traditional motivation
techniques are hyperbole to The ODJ; he believes in a more direct style of
bring your manhood and fragile ego into the octagon.
Fun begins February 1st,
and ends July 1st. Just in time for my biennial Tennessee
pilgrimage. 4th of July party sponsored by Krystals. 12-packs of steaming hot
gut bombs to cover up the six-pack of ab gain. The perfect reward for months of
hard work and dedication.... What???... Do you think that is odd???... These
are challenges, folks, not lifestyle changes!
